Meredith Oliver

Blog

DEL The Frame Not Serving You

February 11, 2020

del zen woman

You made it to the final step in our REFRAMING blog series—congratulations! While there is more ahead for this topic, I also encourage you to go back and re-read the previous blogs in this series to ensure everything below makes sense:

  1. What It Means To Reframe
  2. An In-Depth Look At CTRL
  3. It’s Time To ALT (Part 1)
  4. It’s Time to ALT (Part 2)

All caught up? Then let’s continue!

THE GOOD NEWS? YOU’RE NOT ALONE

At this point, you’ve invested a lot of time in this series. And you’re probably thinking it would be really nice if as a payout, I could simply give you a “delete” button to hit as needed and POOF! Your old, bad habits and negative thinking would disappear forever. But if I had that figured out, there’d be no need for this series to begin with. Of course, if you have the recipe for that magic elixir—CONTACT ME!

Back to business. It’s a simple albeit frustrating fact that our frame or view of the world runs on automatic pilot. In other words, you have little to no control over it. Similar to an autoresponder email after we fill out an online form, our brain reacts instantly to adversity—BAM! You’re saying or doing things in such a way you may really come to regret down the road. I know you’ve been there.

The good news, however, it that this is true for EVERYONE. Your reaction and response to adversity happen so quickly you can hardly blink before you react—same goes for the person to your left or right and in front of or behind you. So take a moment to offer yourself a little grace.

Here’s another interesting fact—which also happens to be critical to the DEL step: That nanosecond response is being driven by your past experiences, beliefs, values, and yes, by your frame of how you perceive the world.

Seems like there’s no way out of that, right? Turns out, there is—but it is going to take hard work and some rewiring of your brain. It’s called DEL or “Deleting the frame not serving you.”

DELETE THE FRAME NOT SERVING YOU

Easier said than done. DEL requires you to replace you autopilot frame with a new frame. And as you can imagine, this takes work. In fact, it will only happen with concentrated, purposeful effort. The best part? You can absolutely do it! In fact, I’m living proof that you can change your frame from being a victim, to a survivor, to a “thriver,” which I’ll cover in a future blog in this series.

UTILIZE VISUAL REMINDERS

So how do you change your frame? I may not know the best route for you—but I’m nonetheless happy to share with you the secrets that have worked for me.

When I am looking to change a skill, attitude or behavior, I need visual reminders. How do I provide myself with those? Simple. I’ll stick a Post-It Note® on my computer monitor with a word or short phrase to remind me of my new frame. By placing it on my computer monitor I know I’m going to see it multiple times throughout the day.

Worried you’ll begin to ignore your Post-It Note®? I’ve also used a MantraBand® to remind me of a new frame. MantraBands are thin gold, silver, or rose gold metal bands with sayings on them. They have every classic motivational saying available and if you don’t see just the right message you can have a custom band made. In fact, I’m currently wearing two custom MantraBands. One says “CTRL + ALT + DEL = Reframe” and the other says “Life Happens. And yet, we rise.” Every time I look down at my Apple watch—multiple times a day!—there is a feel-good message to help keep me on track.

FUN FACT: We have complimentary silicone bands of the “CTRL + ALT + DEL = Reframe” and “Life happens. And, yet we rise” available. Want one? Send me an email with your mailing address.

MORE WAYS TO REMIND YOURSELF

I learned the art of time blocking from Steven Covey’s book, First Things First. If you haven’t read it, it is a MUST read. If it’s been a while since you read it – take another look. There’s no better guide on how to prioritize what’s important over what is urgent.

Now to the point I’d like to make in this section: If you don’t block out time in advance for planning, brainstorming, and strategizing, all of your time will get eaten up by urgent issues that demand an immediate response.

What can you do about it? Stop waiting for the perfect time to learn a new skill or spend alone time processing your reframe! Because the perfect time will never happen. On the other hand, actively blocking out time in advance is a positive step towards moving from victim to problem solver. This won’t happen accidently. In fact, if you randomly have 15 minutes free you’re likely to spend it checking email or scrolling social media. Active blocking takes effort and planning.

How to make it work? Start with blocking out only 10 or 15 minutes a day. Use it to think, read, practice or plan how you will DEL old frames, behaviors, and habits—and replace with a new frame that will serve you better.

Another option to help you DEL old frames is to set automated reminders and alarms on your phone or smartwatch. For example, I have an app that reminds me several times a day to drink more water. I hate drinking plain water. Always have. I recently found a free app called Drink Water Aquarium that reminds me to drink water throughout the day and allows me to log my water consumption in a fun game format. Guess what? It’s working!

So now it’s time for you to decide. What works best for you when you want to make a change? It may not be any of these strategies. These are merely jumping off points to get you thinking. What is going to keep you focused and on track?

In truth, it’s both easier and more tempting to fall back into your old frame. Ah, comfortable familiarity! Even if it’s not working for you, it’s still like that old fuzzy sweater you simply can’t bring yourself to part with. Meanwhile, DEL can be compared to starting a new exercise regimen. You know you should. And once you begin it’s super awkward and you’re sore and may even begin to question why you tried it in the first place. But just like any accomplishment, when you hit the first milestone and start to see progress, you will be motivated to keep going!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

Reframing is incredibly simple—but that doesn’t make it easy to master! However, through ongoing practice of this simple tool—CTRL + ALT + DEL—I believe that you can overcome your challenges and move forward. Know that no matter where you are or what you’re going through, I am your biggest fan. I am cheering you on as you face challenges and adversity. I believe that your next “rise up” moment is right around the corner. And I hope you’ll be in touch when you find success.

If your team could use a jolt of inspiration and fresh perspective on your business challenges, call me! This keynote and workshop might be just what the doctor ordered. I’d love to bring this program to your team in 2020!

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